ff: "It is imperative that you give up hope if your hope is not hope at all but just an empty wish. Whether is is finally getting an addict to hit bottom and end a destructive pattern or getting a CEO in front of a bankruptcy judge to force the restructuring that he has been avoiding, only reality gets us to do difficult things." Nothing mobilizes us like a firm dose of reality. It is the moment when they wake up, realize that an ending must occur, and finally feel energized to do it. : ".successful people.all have one thing in common: They get in touch with reality.you must finally see reality for what it is.what is not working is not going to magically being working.The awareness of hopelessness is what finally brings people to the reality of the pruning moment. (In some situations, you cannot even call it a healthy childlike dependency, as many times these twenty-somethings have no chores, requirements, or reponsibilities, not is their living with parents in service of anything else, like further education.) Certainly there are circumstances in which living with parents makes sense.But sometimes the situation is not good and enables a child-like dependency in an adult. : "In the family-owned businesses, the failure-to-launch syndrome can become a business practice.people in their twenties or older, who are living with parents and have not been able to successfully launch into adulthood. When you find yourself in any way paying for someone else's responsibilities, not only are you stuck with a delayed ending, but you are probably harming that person." It keeps adult kids dependent on parents long after they should have been independent adults.there is a difference between helping someone who is disabled, incapable, or otherwise infirm versus helping someone who is resisting growing up and taking care of what every adult (or child, for that matter) has to be responsible for: herself or himself. But this kind of caring is not caring at all and is destructive to the person being helped.
67: "Another relational map is feeling responsible for another person's pain when the enabling is is a form of caring gone awry. At least not now, and not as a result of anything you are doing. And often the person may have lots of other talent that the leader doesn't want to lose, or he likes the person so much that he is willing to try over and over e to grips with the fact that some people-no matter how much you give them or how much you try to help them improve their performance.are not going to change. : "I have watched well-meaning people literally waste years and millions of dollars trying to bring someone along who is not coming. Following are the most helpful (to me) excerpts: I find it sometimes hard to read books by Henry Cloud, and this one seemed mostly applicable to business, but the more I read, the more helpful it was. I should just buy this book, and highlight. The mature person meets the demands of life, while the immature person demands that life meet their demands. Foolish people - they reject constructive feedback.ģ. Wise people - they welcome constructive feedback.Ģ. If not, am I willing to sign up for more of the same?ġ. Is there anything in place that would make it different?Ĥ. The past is the best predictor of the future.ģ. True hope, true perseverance = a real reason to believe that tomorrow is going to be different from today. On the second column, write down things that you do have control over. On the first column write down all the things you don't have control over.
Take a piece of paper and divide it in two columns. Reality is tough but as Woody Allen said, "Reality is still the only place to get a good steak." There are the tasks of spring, summer, harvest and winter. "Am I having on to an activity, product, strategy or relationship whose season has passed?"Īccept Life Cycles and Seasons. "Good cannot begin until bad ends." Endings are not only part of life, they are a requirement for living and thriving. Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they are meant to be, never accomplishing all that their talents and abilities should afford them." "Getting to the next level always requires something, leaving it behind and moving on. Perhaps the best book I've read thus far this year.
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